The Three Rules of Relationships

Scripture: Genesis 45.1-15; Colossians 3.12-14


What about Bob? The title of the movie is a question. And the implied question is, “What do you do with irritating, annoying, and unlovable people?” Do you avoid them; stay angry with them; hold a grudge against them? Is there another, better way?

If you don’t know a better way to this fairly common occurrence in our lives, PWA, people who annoy, then what do we do when we encounter some more serious relationship breaches? What happens when somebody we really like and trust hurts us? What happens when they disappoint us, offend us, or betray us? Is avoiding them or holding a grudge against them the answer?

You know the story of Joseph, how as a young boy his older brothers were jealous of him and sold him to slave traders who took him to Egypt. Joseph was hurt and betrayed by his own brothers. The guys who were supposed to look out for him, sold him out! Now, we know the whole story and how it all worked out for Joseph; but don’t forget the wickedness of that betrayal. Joseph had to go through emotional, physical, and spiritual misery for years after that before he ever saw any good come of it. If anyone ever had reason to hold a grudge it was Joseph.

He could have nursed that grudge a long time if he wanted to. He could have cursed his brothers and his parents for that matter. Joseph could have played the victim very well. That role could have been the defining role of his life. But it wasn’t. I know that because of this passage of scripture in Genesis 45. Joseph has by now, risen to this incredible position of power in Egypt, the world’s superpower at that time. Through skill, integrity, and God’s providence, Joseph rises to become Pharaoh’s right-hand man. “Pharaoh said to Joseph, ‘I am Pharaoh, but without your word no one will lift hand or foot in all Egypt.”

So here is Joseph with this new life and unimaginable authority and power. Perhaps the only thing he lacks or regrets is the family that he once knew back in Canaan. He thinks about them often, in tears and sadness. And lo and behold, one day, as Joseph is supervising food distribution to people seeking relief from famine, Joseph’s brothers show up! Joseph can’t believe it? Maybe he has been hoping and waiting for this moment these years – maybe he has rehearsed what he would say and what he would do if ever he got the chance to face his brothers again. Maybe he had a tough speech prepared. Maybe he had a special prison cell in mind for the ones who made him a slave - if ever there was a time for payback, this was it. But if Joseph had these things in mind, we don’t know and can’t know it. Because we never hear that payback speech, and we never see the big act of vengeance. Joseph shows his power in another and perhaps unexpected way. Joseph forgives his brothers.

I remember with both my boys, at one time or another, challenging them to make a situation right by saying they were sorry. “Say you’re sorry to your brother.” “Say you’re sorry to me.” And I remember both of them, at one time or another, answering this way:

“No.”

“Come on, you need to say you’re sorry.
“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t like that word.”

Now. If anyone hear has ever doubted that there is power is words, in a mere word, let your doubts rest. There is power in the words, “I’m sorry.” There is perhaps even greater power in the words, “I forgive you.”

I don’t think we have the proper appreciation for the incredible power that we have with the words, “I forgive you.” To forgive someone is not to excuse them, but to pardon them. It is to set them free from the sin debt that have with you, and to set them free from the guilt they have in themselves. To forgive is to be Christ to another human being. Remember, Jesus scandalized the Pharisees most of all when he forgave others their sins. The Pharisees said that’s blasphemy, only God can forgive sins! Jesus said, no not blasphemy, this is the work and will of God for all of us.

Key Scripture: Colossians 3.12-14: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Now, I titled this message, The Three Rules of Relationships, and the first rule obviously, is forgive. You know what, it’s like the rules of selling a house, but instead of location, location, location, the rules here are: forgive, forgive, and forgive. Honestly, I couldn’t think of any other things that are quite as important as forgiveness in human relationships – nothing comes close – except for love itself. The Apostle seems to suggest this too, “and over all this forgiveness, put on love, which binds everything together in unity.”

When we forgive we not only bless the one we have pardoned, but we really bless ourselves. We set ourselves free from potential bitterness and mean-spiritedness that inevitably comes with harboring a grudge. To paraphrase Ann Lamott, “When we don’t forgive it’s like we take the poison and wait for the rat to die.”

When we forgive we set ourselves free from forever playing the role of the victim. You may say I don’t feel like forgiving them, or I don’t have that kind of faith. Jim Wallis says that biblical faith is not something you have, it’s something you do. If you want to feel like forgiving, you must do it. If we are people of faith we see that no matter how unfair and cruel life seems to be sometimes, we know that all things work for the good for those that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8).

We agree with Joseph, that great forgiver, who as he wept over and hugged the brothers, with whom he was now reconciled, said these words, “You meant for evil, but God meant it for good.”