Rebuilding Trust: Trust Others

I went over to the Altoona Hospital the other day to see someone. I drove into the parking garage and I could tell it was a busy day. I ascended the levels looking for the first open space. I got about midway up the garage when I thought I spied an open space ahead on the left. As I pulled closer I saw there was no car in the space but there was something in the space - an old lady was standing at the head of the space. She stood there firm and proud, reserving the space for someone. She stood with her cane firmly in spot, like a climber planting a flag on the top of some mountain peak. Have you ever watched a show or movie where someone is driving a car but they look at something on the sidewalk and the camera slows the action down so whatever is on the sidewalk can been seen clearly – as I drove slowly by the space and looked at the old lady, she did this (eyes close, shaking her head no).

Apparently she looked at me and decided it wasn’t enough that she was standing in the space, she felt she needed to do this. She didn’t like the look of me. So I keep driving up the garage to the top, turn around and start back down and find a guy pulling out of a space. I sit there and wait and then start to pull when someone tears around the corner and slides into the space ahead of me! When it comes to spaces in a parking garage, courtesy and trust, well, they have to wait their turn like everyone else.

We’ve been talking about trust this month. When trust is broken - and we’ve all broken trust and had trust broken with us – we must change to become trustworthy persons. That’s the first step. The next step is to take steps to trust others. It’s been said that liars are always accusing others of lying. Likewise, untrustworthy people often have trouble trusting others; because they know what they themselves have done.

It’s not easy to learn to trust again. When things have been broken it’s hard to see how they can be whole again. G.K. Chesterton said, “When you break the Big Laws, you don’t get freedom. You don’t even get anarchy. You get the small laws.”

He is saying that our first response to distrust is to make more rules, rules that were once not necessary. When I registered for annual conference the other year, Jason Garman was going as a youth delegate. I inquired if I could have Jason Garman room with me. The lady in charge of room arrangements said that we couldn’t do that because of Jason’s age. Because of Safe Sanctuary Policy Jason couldn’t room with me, an adult, but had to stay with the youth delegation. I understood the policy. Because Big Laws had been broken, I had to abide by small laws.

In Matthew 7 Jesus is reaching the climax of his teaching opus, the Sermon on the Mount. In this sermon he is teaching what the kingdom is and how to live in it. As Stanley Hauerwas notes, there is no difference between what Jesus teaches and who He is. And clearly, to be his person and live in the kingdom, you have to forgive and trust.

“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get.” Matt. 7.1-2

Jesus is diagnosing the human condition in which we habitually respond to critique and judgment with a counterattack of criticism and judgment. On American Idol the other night a man was interviewed just before he auditioned for the judges and in this interview the man expressed his excitement and his admiration for the judges, especially for Mary J. Blige, was a great singer and star she was. The contestant also said he welcomed their suggestions and he was a person that was very accepting of constructive criticism. Well, you know where this is going. His audition for the judges didn’t do very well, and when they suggested he wasn’t good enough and had work to do, he got very defensive and angry. And cursed the judges and went on to say they didn’t know what they were talking about. He said Mary J. Blige couldn’t sing herself!

Most people have responded to criticism this way at one time or another. The only way to avoid the “reciprocity of condemnation” as Dallas Willard puts it, is to refuse to play the game. This is what Jesus is telling us. Forget about the character faults you see in your sister until you get a new heart for yourself. Families can be particularly hard on one another.

“Most families would be healthier and happier if their members treated one another with the respect they would give to a perfect stranger.” Dallas Willard

The decision to trust another person is a decision not only to put away vengeance and anger, (which are best left up to God), but a decision to extend yourself in love. Love extends outward. Love becomes vulnerable.

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13.7-8

Jesus taught and modeled this. He shared his life with his disciples. He trusted the witness of the gospel and his mission with seventy disciples. In Matthew 10 you can read how he sent them out.

“See, I am sending you out like sheep into the midst of wolves; so be wise as serpents and innocent as doves.” Matthew 10.16

What does it mean to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves? You extend yourself in Love and make yourself vulnerable, knowing that you may suffer because of it. You risk something because you believe that people that Jesus died for are worth the risk for you too. Trusting others doesn’t mean you become foolish. You don’t loan money to a compulsive gambler. You don’t bare your soul in confidence to a gossip. Be wise (as serpents) in the ways of people in this world. Don’t rashly throw your pearls before swine.

But having said this, remember the power of Love. And remember that Love trusts. Steven Covey tells about a hotdog vendor in a city who did a good business in the busy downtown. People stood in lines at lunchtime waiting to buy a couple hot ones and hurry on their way. The vendor noticed that at times the lines were so long that people would leave. He was losing business because he couldn’t keep up. So he came up with an answer. He wouldn’t worry about taking their money. He put out a basket with a sign that asked them to make their own change. He would just focus on cooking and serving the product. He trusted his customers. And what happened? His profits soared. He found that often people would leave more than the cost of the hotdog. People responded generously to his trust.

Dallas Willard talks about the Unity of Spiritual Orientation. He says that we must realize that deep in our spirits we cannot have one posture toward God a different one toward other people.

“There are few one-way streets in the kingdom: for example, God forgives me but I do not forgive, or Jesus confesses his friendship to me before the heavenly company but I do not own him before those less glorious ones around me, and so on.”

The same applies to trust. Trust can not long stay a one-way street. It must run both ways. The great news is our experience of trust can be like what that hotdog vendor experienced only much more personally with much greater reward than mere money. I’m talking about healed relationships and changed lives. We can rebuild trust and see the power of love in new ways. The God of love works to make this happen. And his love never fails.